I suddenly woke up in a dark place that I have never seen before, I looked around trying to find something that helped me tell where I was, but what I found was worse than I could have ever imagined. I, or at least my body, was dumped in the beginnings of a stinky alley, tight, with a trickle of blood running down my face. I did not understand what was happening, was I by chance dreaming? The last thing I remember was having fought with my girlfriend and then seeking for solace in a bar. I stealthily came closer to myself, fearing what could happen. I watched me closely and I was pale, did not seem to breathe as if I was… dead? I had read and watched scenes in many movies about it but never believed it was real. Could this actually be happening to me?
-Why? –I asked myself out loud.
-The question is never ‘why’ but ‘what for’ –answered a voice behind me.
It was a male figure the one speaking. I was sure I had never seen him before, although he sounded me familiar.
-Who are you? –I inquired.
-Does it matter? –was all I got for an answer. I did not come here to tell you my history but yours. Do you want to listen to me or do you want to continue your way?
I did not know what to say, I still could not understand what was going on. However, something inside me whispered me that I should listen to him, that he was there to help me.
-Yes, I do –I said in an undertone.
-Well then sit down –he ordered pointing a spot right next to him. I doubted what to do but finally decided that, whether I was dead or asleep, filth would not matter-. Do you know how did you get here? To this better said?
I shook my head ‘no’.
-The last I remember is having been drinking some shots.
-Lots of them, many more of what you should have drunk. You got very inebriated and left the place alone. You had barely walked a few meters when some burglars approached you, they wanted your money but you were so wasted that –unconsciously- started fighting with them. They hit you roughly, took the money and left you to die.
-So that means that I am dead? –my heart skipped a beat.
-Do not interrupt me –said severely-. All in good time… As I was telling you, they left you here to die. And do you know why did you drink that much?
-Because of a woman –I responded.
-No, because you do not love yourself –he contradicted me-. You did not consume because she had left you, you consumed because you thought it was right from her to do so, that nobody should be with a loser like you. That it was not estrange that she had abandoned you as your own parents did when you were a child, who for no known reason went away and left you with an old aunt of yours who never gave you love and always refused to give you answers –even at the day of her decease. Since you were a child you grew up in a non-love story, building inside you the belief that you were not worth it, that you were not worthy to be loved. And because of it you do not love, value or take care of yourself. You accept that people abuse you, treat you ungratefully and abandon you repeatedly, while you keep on doing all you can to get a little of attention. You look for love in the wrong place, nobody will be able to give you what you do not give yourself. No one will love you if do not love yourself, because to love one is to accept one as you are, with the parts that you like and the ones you dislike, and therefore value and take care of yourself. You expose to risks like those from today because your life does not matter to you, because you feel empty, lost. Well now, you have achieved what you wanted, your body is dying. Tell me, are you happy with that? Is that idea attractive for you?
My mind was paralyzed. I did not understand why or how but everything that this man had said to me fitted the story of my life, it was all true. But only now, at this moment and with death behind me, I could realize that this was not what I actually wished for me, not at all.
-No, you helped me get that this is not what I want or never wanted for myself, but somehow, unconsciously, I was seeking for it. I guess it is too late to regret it now, right? –asked with sadness showing in my face.
-It is never too late –he answered pointing at the spot where my body was. There, right next to me, was a person holding my hand and a cellphone with the other. At that moment, an ambulance arrived and that somebody started talking with one of the nurses that had come down from it, while the rest placed me on a stretcher-. Now go, get better, and make of yours a life that is worth to be lived.